Letting Go

My pain in the ass is still a pain in the ass. Despite four weeks of PT, I am still suffering from the deep, er, gluteal pain and the resulting sciatic issues that derives from it: pain and burning down the back of my leg, a sharp ache in my hip, and now a tingling sensation all the way on the sole of my foot. Add to t his the horrible side effects of the muscle relaxants my doctor prescribed for me, and I am rather unhappy with the way my body is misbehaving.

My x-rays were clear. My MRI is yet to be checked, although I did complete a terrifyingly claustrophobic session this Wednesday. I honestly don't think the MRI will offer any golden nuggets of Aha! That is what's wrong with Monica! I cranked up the treadmill on Wednesday, and I ran a mile at (GASP!) 5.0, and all I got for my workout was a pain-filled Thursday sitting on the heating pad and downing pain meds. This soon resulted in a three-hour nap.

I hate naps. Taking a nap mid-day makes my head feel fuzzy, and then I get nothing accomplished for the rest of the day.

I've pretty much self-diagnosed myself with piriformis syndrome. It fits all of the symptoms I have, plus it seems pretty common in runners and women. I fell in the shower 1.5 years ago, when all this pain in the assery began, and I am pretty sure I hit the exact spot on the side of the tub. I've since learned that an injury to that muscle causes swelling and stiffness, which in turn affects the sciatic nerve. Yippee.

My physio thinks I need to build up my muscle strength, which it all out of whack, especially after my pregnancy last year. It makes sense. A full-on baby belly can do some major damage to the muscles and connective tissue in the abdomen. So I focus on building muscle strength, and I come to the point I don't want to be at: not running.

Not running has been one of those ideas I've pushed to the back on my mind for a while now. I've been doing so well, and I am desperately trying to lose weight. What finally hit me, after my last foray in the gym, was that I am not giving my body the time it needs to heal and adjust. So I am going to forgo the run for a few weeks, maybe longer. I will try the elliptical, the bike, or the pool instead. I will focus on eating healthier, and watching my caloric intake. I will try and let go.

Now is not the time to build miles, obsess about the scale or become a gym fanatic. Now is the time to love myself enough to get better, stronger. I need to take care of myself now, at this stage instead of telling myself that I will be happy when I get back down to my goal weight.

It's going to be hard, that I know for sure.


Indoor Gardening

It's hard to get mad at her when she's so stinking cute.


Connor's Summer To-Do List

1. Bowling
2. Ice skating
3. Play with Chuck
4. Spend time with Mom
5. Zoo
6. Mall
7. Target

Although my heart bursts that he wants to spend time with me, should I be concerned that two of his choices involve shopping?


What I Really, Really Needed

It was nice outside yesterday. It didn't quite reach 100 degrees, the sky was overcast, and it was temperate enough to get outside for an actual run. No treadmill; just me and the streets and the gravel.

I did three miles outside. It was wonderful to be able to run somewhere, as opposed to nowhere on a treadmill. I didn't do all that well, I had to walk for a long while near the end, but I chalk that up to being dehydrating and recovering from the aftereffects of the muscle relaxant my doctor gave me. But it was nice to get outside, and I remember now why I chose to run.

The weather is supposed to hold like this for another few days. If I wake up early enough tomorrow, maybe I can get out there again, before the children wake and need me.

In other related news, I have mostly weaned Mia, and the weight is finally coming off. This despite eating an ungodly amount of drive-thru food the past few weeks. I really need to take a look at my diet and start eating better.


Blahg post

I'm upping my weekly mileage. Slowly. About a quarter mile per run per week. Slow.

Treadmill running is boring. It's bad. It's to the point where I pray that there is something good on one of the TV's at the gym. Yesterday it was a double-feature of "Malcolm in the Middle." Cooler weather cannot get here soon enough.


Running Nowhere

I have been troubled by severe sciatic pain for the past two years or so. It was at its worst when I was pregnant with Mia. Although I don't feel the pain with running, it does seem to exacerbate it a bit. It got bad enough that I made an appointment with the family doctor to discuss the pain. He sent me for x-rays, which came back all normal. He then sent me off for a few weeks of physical therapy.

Physical therapy is lie "personal training light." It involves a lot of stretching and some basic strength exercises. The consensus? My pelvis is slightly twisted, owing to some tendons that are not stretched enough and muscles that are not strong enough. My abdominal muscles are completely weak because of the pregnancy.

I'm feeling better, thankfully.


It's hot as hell here. Literally. Been getting up into the low 100's this week. After a rather horrid aborted attempt at a run outside last week at the early hour of seven in the morning, I decided that running would be limited to the treadmill for the duration of the summer. Running on the treadmill is NOT FuN.


I've decided to slowly increase my daily runs over the next few weeks. I am going from three days to four, and I am adding a quarter-mile or so to each run per week. This week I am up to 2.5 miles, with a quarter-mile warm up and cool down. I'm getting it in at just about 32 minutes. Not great, but getting a little better. Once I get up to three mile runs, I will do some speed training.


I'm finally losing some weight. A few pounds, nothing to get excited about. But, I am noticing better muscle definition. I am also weaning Mia. I think I sense a connection.


Mommy Lessons


Miss Mia is eight months old, and she is on a tear. In the course of just a few weeks, she began crawling, pulled herself up to a standing position, started feeding herself puffs and crackers, and (finally!!!) slept through the night.

She is still a Mommy's girl, protesting loudly whenever I am out of her sight. She is shy to strangers, and she likes to cuddle when she is upset. She has Eric's sense of adventure and my determination. Hence the two bruises on her forehead. I have a feeling she will be getting her share of bumps and scrapes in the future.

Mia knows what she wants, and she isn't shy about letting us know when she is not pleased. Usually this entails loud shrieks or, humorously, rolling her tongue and making a razzing sound.

She is a squirmer. Diaper changing sessions are tricky, as she likes to roll onto her hands and knees and make a quick break. Getting her dressed is even trickier. On good days, Eric and I are both home and present to tag-team her.

She has an amazing sense of humor. When she smiles -- showing her two bottom (and only two) teeth -- it warms my heart. We haven't always fit together like two matching puzzle pieces. There have been days where I wondered if I would ever feel connected to her like I did my much more easy-going son. But I have come to love her for who she is. That is the lesson she has taught me.
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