4.22.2009

I Suck at Loving Myself

There are so many things I do well. I'm a loving mom, and I think I'm generally a good wife. I do well at school, and I always work hard in whatever post I find myself. I'm driven, and goal--oriented, and extremely competitive. I do not quit, ever. So I find it especially difficult to cut myself some proverbial slack.

My house isn't as clean as I would like it to be. I haven't lost any weight yet. I don't read to Mia every day, or even most days. I haven't worn make up in a while. I have a voice in my head that ticks off my faults one by one, and I think it may be eating me alive.

I have this long, extensive list of woulda, shoulda, coulda's in my head, and I am feeling a little overwhelmed. I tell myself that I am not working, an that I should be easily able to balance all of my duties. I'm not though, and I find myself getting sucked in to too many time wasters during the day. It's easy to focus on the "unimportants." They keep my mind from dealing with really needs dealing with, if that makes sense.

I need to slow down, praise myself for the good that I do, and love myself as unconditionally as I love my kids. They deserve to have a mom who is confident, in control, and disciplined. I need to smile more, laugh more, and enjoy the moments more, instead of worrying about all of the minor things I didn't get done today. You know, those things that don't matter in the scheme of things.

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